Beardy McWeirdy.
I’m really glad that I was born in 1974 and not 1984, because the grizzly Mountain Man beard trend that seems to be all the rage among young hipster males thoroughly disgusts me. If I had been born in 1984, I would have ended up dating frat boys-turned-accountants, or becoming some kind of asexual secular nun or something, because the thought of putting my face near one of those nasty, pube-like masses of ungroomed face-fur makes me want to hurl.
Is the ungroomed, nasty 70s look some kind of response to emo overgrooming? Were the hipsters of today greatly inspired by Roald Dahl’s children’s book The Twits? (Thanks to that book, I can’t look at a grizzled beard without imagining all manner of filth caught in it. Moldy cheese ahoy!)
I am not saying that I never dated men with unfortunate facial hair. The 1990s were full of unfortunate facial hair. But at least they kept it short enough that food wouldn’t get caught in it, and their wardrobe didn’t consist of an amalgam of the most awful fashion trends of the last thirty-five years.
Here is an example of what I am talking about: [gross Parisian hipster knitter].
Folks, this shit was ugly the first time around. There’s nothing interesting about purposely looking as hideous as possible. Put down the 80s-inspired giant plastic-framed sunglasses and pick up a damn razor.
Also, get off my lawn.
